On the surface, this doesn’t look like a terribly personal strip, but I put a secret part of myself into Sam here. As some of you already know, my father was killed in an armed robbery some years ago, when I was just making the transition into adulthood. I was in no way responsible for his death, so I don’t have that guilt to deal with, but I have often thought about how I might be different if he had lived… And I’m not entirely sure it would have been for the better.
Dads death was a formative experience for me. I learned a lot about myself and how to forgive and how to step up and be the person I need to be. Basically, I grew up and became my own man. Hard won lessons, for sure, but its hard to look back at that time in my life and not think of the consequences of my father’s death as largely positive. The one negative? My dad isn’t here anymore.
Is the trade-off worth it? I really don’t have an answer to that question. How can I? There’s no way to peer into an alternate reality to see what might have been.
Sam has a similar problem. He isn’t just haunted by what he did, he’s haunted by the fact that his sins saved him. The Money Man died and Sam became a better man. But does acknowledging that and being grateful for that make Sam a bad man? That’s tough stuff. That’s a hard conflict to live with.
What do you think? Can Sam ever find redemption? Should he?